Away the Blizzard Blahs

It was only one blizzard, but it was enough. I’m ready for a chuckle or two.  Perhaps you are too.  I used some of the downtime to go through some old papers I’ve been keeping, and I found one with all of these.  They amused me once again.  They might you too.

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

The Fasting and Prayer Conference:  includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have nursery downstairs.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.  All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 M.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Ron Hicks, Parish Verger, St. Alban’s Episcopal Church, Washington DC, 26-January-2016

This entry was posted in Ron Hicks, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Away the Blizzard Blahs

  1. Marty Kerns says:

    Great announcements, you had me chuckling all the way through. Thank goodness St. Alban’s has an excellent staff that proofreads before posting its announcements.

  2. Linda V. says:

    Thank you, Ron! I am crying and my sides hurt,,,

  3. Ellen S. says:

    Thanks Ron. We all need a good laugh. Ellen S.

  4. Ellen S. says:

    Thanks Ron. We all need a good laugh. Ellen S

  5. Let’s eat Grandma!
    Let’s eat, Grandma!
    Punctuation saves likes. Mind your commas.

  6. Miriam White says:

    That was GREAT!! Loved it! Perfect!!

  7. Laurie Brown says:

    One of the best I’ve seen in a while. Is this what you intended? “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.”

    Got a good laugh out of it!! We, too, have rummage sales — but hadn’t thought about selling our husbands!

    from Austin, tX!


  8. Bob Witten says:

    Thank you, Ron. Who says there’s no humor in church?

  9. Anton Vanterpool II says:

    Thank you for bringing the classic church bulletin/main sign announcements back. Worth a chuckle every time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s